jokes

[Lockon]

 

First experience horse riding

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

 

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

 

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

 

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

 

 

[Slidell]

The paratrooper.

 

In a combat drop I was at the back because I didn't want to jump the guy in front jumps then the next the next,etc etc until it's only me and my drill sargent.

 

I freeze at the door My sargent yells "IF YOU DON'T JUMP I'M GONNA **** YOU UP THE ASS!"

 

Well did you jump?

 

A little at first.

 

 

 

Lord Wellington

 

Lord Wellington was a big game hunter one of the best when he was about to retire he held one last press meeting.

 

The room was filled with the heads of all different types of animals.

 

A journalist asked the first question "Sir what was the scaryest moment in your hunting career?"

 

"I was in the plains of Africa when I g saw a lion I rasied my rifle and it was jammed the Lion came charging at me pinned my to the ground and went ARGH!! And gentlemen I'm embarrassed to say I soiled my self"

 

The journalist says "Well sir I think that's a reasonable response,you had a lion on you."

 

"Not then you **** when I screamed ARGH!!"

 

 

The captain 1737

 

Sir 5 ships on the horizon the captin turned and looked at his first mate and said "Bring me my red shirt"

 

After the battle the first mate asked the captin why he told him to bring him his red shirt,the captin said "So that if I was shot my men would not know adn they would continue to fight"

 

Just then some called 20 ships on the horizon,the captain turned to his first mate and said "Bring me my brown pants."

[Lockon]

Edited October 30, 2009 by Lockon Stratos