Humpday Challenge: Fragged by Dolls 12/20/07

[iBotPeaches]

Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??Anything you can do, I can do better, biatches.Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã? This was the missive written by one of the Fragdolls, Valkyrie, in her November 26^thblog when she began training for the Humpday against Bungie. To be fairit was in a post titled Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??Adios Xbox Live Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? Almost,Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã? where Valkyrie isdeparting from Live to head off into the world of elves, orcs andShatner Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? BlizzardÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s World of Warcraft, but thatÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s secondary to herparting trash talk.

In order to imagine playing the Fragdolls, you must first imagineplaying with Joe Tung. Then imagine if Joe Tung had a whole sea ofLemmings or Pikmin following him around parroting everything he says inmatches ad infinitum, then take those voices, ratchet them up a fewoctaves and insert even more hilarious Language Violations. ThatÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢splaying the Fragdolls. Talking trash is something the Fragdolls do verywell, but how well do they play Halo 3? A tale of personal discovery,triumph and tears begins now.

Bungie

Abe Froman SK Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? Luke Timmins, Engineer, greatest beard in Bungie History

New0001 Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? Joe Tung, Multiplayer Producer on Halo 3, loudest mouth in Bungie History

Thug Larz Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? Lars Bakken, Multiplayer Designer on Halo 3, most placid lake in Bungie History

TJ Scoot Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? Luke Smith, Worst sniper in Bungie History

The Fragdolls are an organization, collection and furious four-hitjuggling combo of girl gamers, hired by Ubisoft to embarrass theinferior sex (mens) at videogames in addition to promoting Ubisoftproducts. In the interest of fairness weÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢ll paste a paragraph from theÃ?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??AboutÃ?¢ââ??¬Ã? section on the galÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s Web site:

Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??The Frag Dolls are a team of gamers recruited by Ubisoft torepresent their video games and promote the presence of women in thegame industry.Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã? On this night they were present. They brought it.

Frag Dolls

Valkryie FD

Calyber FD

Mischief FD

Pyra FD

Game 1

Team Slayer on Isolation

Tone of Game: Where is My Mind?

http://www.ibotmodz.net/forum/uploads/remoteimages1/4607-224.jpg

 

 

 

Girl 1: Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??You guys can pick whatever you want, weÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢ll beat you on anything.Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?

 

Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??Did you guys want to play with MLG settings?Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?

 

Girl 2: Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??No, we practiced on regular modes because we figured thatÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s all you scrubby jerks would know how to play.Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?

 

Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??Alright, Team Slayer on Isolation, do your jobs.Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?

 

Girl 1: Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??Uh, they have jobs?Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?

I donÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢t remember if it was for a Humpday or just a random night ofMatchmaking, but Froman talked about how people tended (erroneously) toplay Isolation on the top of the map, camping the Forerunner structureand suppressing the concave down shaped green grass with Battle Rifles.So he decided that weÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢d be able to beat an occasional team by stayingunderneath, controlling the Rockets and holding court in an area Irefer to as Sub Taint.

You know the place, the dark green spot at the bottom of Isolationunderneath the Honey I Shrunk the Kids-style chute, except at thebottom of this tunnel there isnÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢t a big bowl of cereal but Froman witha Rocket Launcher and a crotch piece that is destined to leave a smearon your visor.

Our basic strategy, with tons of emphasis on basic, was to work intandem underneath the caves, cycling regenerators and covering thethree long hallways that connect at Sub Taint. It sort of worked, asidefrom Tung running around alone and somehow the spawning logic dumpingFroman right in front of the gals on the top of the map.

As amusing as it was hearing their proximity chat calling us allmanners of awful things for Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??campingÃ?¢ââ??¬Ã? Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? we prefer Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??strategizingÃ?¢ââ??¬Ã? Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? andusing Regenerators (again, strategizing) underneath, the ladies wouldoccasionally make insanely coordinated tactical strikes coming down thehallways and even if youÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢re standing directly in a Regenerator, two oreven three people firing at you with a Battle Rifle is going to erase aplayer pretty quickly.

We got out to a huge lead a lead that made me wonder Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??How did we notsteamroll these women?Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã? and before I knew it, it was 30-28 on the film.They were figuring out ways to counter our Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??hide desperately and hopeÃ?¢ââ??¬Ã?strategy. We started to get split from the pack and the Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?Å?Dolls pickedus off, we were some slow, horned animal on the savanna and they hunted.

Final Score: 50-46 Frag Dolls Win

Download the film (TJ ScootÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s perspective)

Watch the Film Here

Game 2

Team Slayer on The Pit

Tone of Game: Bone Machine

 

http://www.ibotmodz.net/forum/uploads/remoteimages1/4607-225.jpg

 

When weÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢re not supposed to win (and let's face it, no one expects usto ever win), losing isnÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢t as frustrating. LetÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s face it, these girlspracticed, they were ready and we gave it our best effort in the firstgame on the only map where there was any sort of pre-baked easy-modestrategy involving hiding. Since we were still in charge of pickinggametypes and maps we picked Team Slayer on The Pit, the impetus forthis having something to do with pulling off a band-aid quickly andthen maybe we could play Tower of Power in Game 3.

Like the game before, we got out to an improbable lead, only to seeit whittled away like the girls were carving a boat out of balsa woodto send our dreams down a river. We led into the 30s and then faded,again. At 41-38, Frag Dolls advantage, it looked like we were going tolet another one slip through our fingers. WeÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢re holding too tight!

But improbably, inexplicably and maybe, just maybe, magically at43-40 the tide started to turn. At 44-43 the Regenerator came back tohaunt the Frag Dolls Ã?¢ââ??‰â?¬Å? great Regenerator? Or Greatest Regenerator? Larsgot slapped in the fingercuffs in the Command Center and the score was46-44, those-who-pee-sitting, with the lead. A magical grenade killedCalyberÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s spree and the lead was just one. Immediately after New0001killed Mischief to tie the game, ValkyrieÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s ill-advised heroics againstFroman and I (Pro-Tip: The odds are not in your favor in thissituation, kind players) turned into a sickening death march. The tidehad turned. 47-46. New0001 put the score to 48-46 us and the Frag Dollshad scored their last points in this round.

Final Score: 50-46 Bungie Wins

Download the film (TJ ScootÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s perspective)

Game 3

Team Slayer (Snipers Only) on Valhalla

Tone of Game: Wave of Mutilation

http://www.ibotmodz.net/forum/uploads/remoteimages1/4607-226.jpg

 

Measured risk or tactical mastery? New and Froman wanted to playSnipers on Valhalla, Lars and I wanted to play anything but snipers onValhalla, and the girls didnÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢t seem to care as they recognized thatGame 2 of the three game challenge was a complete and total anomaly andthere was no way we would beat them in Game 3.

I was pretty spent after Game 2 and just wanted the Humpday to beover. After Game3, if Lars and I were kids on a message board weÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢d bothhave gone and made threads about Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?â??WhatÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s wrong with the Sniper Rifle?Ã?¢ââ??¬Ã?because we both stunk up the joint. Thankfully, Joe and Froman combinedfor 40 kills.

All we did was divide into two groups of two, with Joe controllingtop-mid and rotating to downed Pelican and Froman and I covering HotGates and Big Rock in front of their base. Lars and I would poke ourheads out, draw fire, return fire, likely die and then Froman and Newmopped them up.

At one point in the match, Froman had 15 kills, New had 10, Larsthree and I had two. Pretty evenly balanced! You can watch from bothNew0001Ã?¢ââ??‰â??¢s and FromanÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s perspective below. Watch Lars and I flingourselves into harmÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s way!

Final Score: 50-30

Watch the Film (NewÃ?¢ââ??‰â??¢s perspective)

 

Check out the last time we played the Frag Dolls.