21 replies to this topic

[Joe Walls]

Post your submissions here, I'll start with an example:


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Submitted by: Joe

Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on a head, I'll just hang around.
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Submitted by: Metalocalypse

Q: Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
A: She did not want to get hearing aids
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Edited by Joe Walls, 24 May 2009 - 07:10 PM.

[Justrec]

Q: How do you find the population of Mexico?
A: Roll a Quarter down the street! (Everyone will run after it)

l
l

Q: How do you find the richest man in mexico?
A: Find the man who found the quarter!

[lostmodz26]

1. Slimming Down
A man was standing on the scale, sucking in his stomach. The man's wife sarcastically said, "I don't

think that's going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "How else could I see the numbers?"


2. What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?

A private tutor!!


6. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe
playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.


7. I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat.


8. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where
the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it
would defeat the purpose.


9. The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.

11. Atom Humor
Two atoms are drinking at the bar. Suddenly one says to the other, "I've just lost one of my

electrons!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"Yes," replied the first atom. "I'm positive."

13. The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

15. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.


16. Conversation
-------------
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right
thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.


17. You can listen to thunder after lightening to tell how close
you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it never mind.


18. You can always pick your nose but you can never choose your face

19. Ever wish someone was a whine bottle and you could put a cork in em?

20. Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

21. Jay Lo Cal barely dressing

22. what do you call a fish without an eye? ....a fsssshhhh

23. I drank 8 cokes today... I burped 7-up

24. How do you make a venesian blind? ...you poke him in the eye

25. ask not what your country can do for you, ask who in your country you can do
-President Clinton

27. Did you hear about thr new Chinese novel called "Spots on the Wall" by Who Flung Poo?

whats green and brown, has 4 legs, and if it falls on you could kill you?
Pool Table
what do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand... Quatro sinko

its like my daddy used 2 always say... "you can laugh now, but when u stop... you wont be

laughin.

whats a cow with no legs... ground beef.

33. Why dont you take a long walk off a short pier

36. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it,
chances are you won't either.


37. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me
at kick boxing.


39. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?


40. Glasses
--------

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says
here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

42. Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery


43. May all your dreams come true, and may you have only nightmares.


44. I think I am a pretty decisive person.


45. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses


46. Ever been to Florida University? FU?

47. What do toilets and anniversaries have in common?

Men always miss them.


48. If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food???

[Joe Walls]

Q: How do you find the population of Mexico?
A: Roll a Quarter down the street! (Everyone will run after it)

l
l

Q: How do you find the richest man in mexico?
A: Find the man who found the quarter!

I said cheesy jokes not true jokes.

[Slidell]

Man1 I got a book on the history of super glue.

Man2 How is it?

Man1 I can't put it down.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

A horse came into a bar,the bartender said why the long face?

Two peanuts walked into a bar one was a salted.

Two Jews walked into a bar on went into a coma.

Edited by GMOF Slidell♥, 24 May 2009 - 02:57 PM.

[Justrec]

LOL GMOF! Thats ******* mean.

[Slidell]

LOL GMOF! Thats ******* mean.

What the Jew joke?

[Justrec]

Yep.

[Slidell]

Yep.

Because it had a Jew in it,if it were two white guys would it be mean?

[Joe Walls]

I want really cheesy ones like this one:

Q: What do you call a dinosaur who lost his glasses?
A: Doyouthinkhesaurous

[Metalocalypse]

Q: Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?

A: She did not want to get hearing aids

[Joe Walls]

Q: Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?

A: She did not want to get hearing aids

LOL not really cheesy but that works

[T3A guy]

What has trash and flys?

A garbage truck.

[SotG Caboose]

What has a heart?

A human.

[SotG Caboose]

What has cheese?

Macaroni and cheese.

[Decatur]

A man walks into a bar.
Ouch.

[Decatur]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra..
wait wut

[T3A guy]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Moo
Moo who?
Don't cry, ur just a kittycow!

[Quinn]

11. Atom Humor
Two atoms are drinking at the bar. Suddenly one says to the other, "I've just lost one of my

electrons!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"Yes," replied the first atom. "I'm positive."

*cough cough Fallout 3 cough cough*

[Dan]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
No need to cry, it's only a joke!

Lulwut.